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Wednesday, November 10, 2010 11:25 PM
In perfect hatred of this feeling.
When you're young, your whole life is about the pursuit of fun. Then, you grow up and learn to be cautious. You could break a bone or a heart. You look before you leap and sometimes you don't leap at all because there's not always someone there to catch you. And in life, there's no safety net. When did it stop being fun and start being scary?   I dont understand. How could fear and loneliness seize you just suddenly. A moment ago, I was laughing. I cant help but hating this whole growing up process. I started off having 小女人 dreams as a kid, like those non-existent full time blissful housewives we always hear about. But I grew up loading more expectations and my mentality switched to being achiever in life. Obviously I got stronger on the inside. I got it done big, now its expanding by itself - slowly but surely. And I started feeling responsible for my education. Ashamed, but it was never so in poly. And talk to me about forever, I needa hear your stories. Tell me about not being replaced or lives forever in the heart kinda cheesy stories. Yes be it friends or relationship. Tell me about it. Responsibilities are increasingly taxing. Honestly. I feel so frail now. This is about capacity and tenacity. Its a slippery slope with no boundaries, I got no idea whats going to happen. Im freaked out seriously. This scares the shit out of me. Think, 100kg on a 55kg. I think I just got to rant it out before I choke and die. I'll be alright. I'll push through this drama. I cant afford to give up because of stupid hormones disorder. Cos it makes me that much stronger. Makes me work a little bit harder. It makes me that much wiser. Made me learn a little bit faster. Made my skin a little bit thicker. Makes me that much smarter. I'll be a fighter. dont get me wrong. its really not about not believing/trusting in His word. i pray i confess i believe, yes i really do. but lets talk practical and rational. its abt life and the JOURNEY. im only human and i have feelings. at the end of the day, i know the Word never fails. my future is in safe hands. Labels: Feelings, Life, Thoughts
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